Tuesday, May 11, 2010


Normally when you have a baby you are so caught up in the immediate needs of the baby you forget the pregnancy altogether. You are tired from feeding, changing diapers, and trying to manage a new normal you don't remeber the flutters in your stomach and the kicks in your ribs.

When you lose your baby you live with a ghost. Each day this ghost kicks my tummy. The ghost ripples through my belly. Other people might say they are incomplete or their is a hole in them. It's the same feeling. When milk drips from my body it's like my body crying for a baby.

I chose the name Kamil because it meant complete in Arabic. It seemed right at the time. The reality now is that our family is very incomplete. We are adjusting to a new normal. It's the best anyone can do. Life doesn't stop when your baby dies.